Monday, May 24, 2004
Monopoly review  
My mum has taken Lucy to the vets this morning. I don't think she has long left, and I'm scared. Update: She has had a blood test, results wont be back for a few days I guess. It could be her liver again. Fuck :(

So! Monopoly. It was an absolute blast, with a few teething problems. Bob has expertly summed up the day with a few short paragraphs, which I will reproduce for you here:

Firstly, my apologies for our late arrival - this was due mainly to my over-optimism, the northerners' poor navigation skills, and the Circle & District lines being closed. In retrospect, we probably should have chosen a different pub - those who recommended Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese to me will be severely reprimanded, although I think the main problem was that most of it was closed off.

The actual race finally started at about 2.35 and went pretty well, with no real hitches. The unforeseen closure of the Circle and District lines actually made it much more interesting, I thought, since it forced us to use buses and more complicated routes around the underground, as well as walking more. Team PARTY HARD, the goon team, playing as the iron token stormed to victory, taking only 2 hours and 20 minutes to complete the race at 5.55pm, despite not having a map or any Londoners on their team, and only having the second highest average dice score (6.83). Literally two minutes later Team Ethnic Minority (the dog token) finished, aided by a Londoner on their team, and the highest average dice roll (8.33).

Team Hat and Team Fast Car had the two worst average dice rolls (5 and 5.75 respectively), and Team Fast Car were further hindered by the guidance of Hakfest, a Londoner who could well have been bribed by another team to lead his team astray. After a series of disappointing dice rolls and the knowledge that we were losing 'fairly seriously', team Hat decided to call it day and give up, after we landed on Go To Jail. Team Fast Car gave up soon after when the closure of the tube at Knightsbridge forced them to take a detour through, and subsequently get lost in, Hyde Park.

Once all the teams except Team Fast Car, who were still lost in Hyde Park, arrived back in Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese, we soon decided that despite having cheap beer, it was a pretty crap place to be, since the only room we could use was tiny, with very few seats. In the process of relocating down the road to a fine establishment called The George, we lost Char, Tala, Mr Podge, and his mate, which was unfortunate because once we could all sit down and a game of poker was started, things began to liven up considerably.

After a few drinks at The George, we set off to locate the nearest Pizza Hut, and thanks to everyone's successful ignoring of Hakfest's cries of "It's that way!", we soon found one. After an enjoyable meal, we made our way to another pub, the name of which escapes me, for a few more drinks before everybody went their separate ways.

All in all it was an enjoyable day, my thanks to everybody that attended. Photos and videos are in the process of being sorted and uploaded. If anyone on the goon team has any photos of videos, we need to arrange some way of getting them uploaded to the same place.

A few things he didn't mention were:

* An old woman walking into a wall and losing a tooth (we think) near the start, as she tried to walk around all of us standing in the middle of the pavement
* Hakfest screaming "he's got a knife!" while pointing at Alty, leading to a few security guards at the tube station wondering whether or not to search him, and buying us a few minutes.
* A person, no idea who, ran up to us and took a photo of us, before running off. WTF?
* Me winning the entire stack of matchsticks in the game of poker with a fantastic All in bet on a pair of 6's, and getting a 6 on the river to take it with 3 of a kind. Blinding.
* In pizza hut, we thought we were going to get kicked out for making too much noise.

And from a personal point of view, props to Jon for driving us there. The car journey with him, Gareth, and Andy was fucking hilarious. Shame I had to get up at 4am in the fucking morning for it, though.

All of the pictures and videos are in the process of being collated and I shall put the link up later today. Very enjoyable indeed, and I think it should be an annual event.

OK! In other news, I ordered 2 tshirts last week, as I mentioned here, and they haven't arrived yet. I hope the post gets better soon, the other tshirt I ordered took 20 days to arrive.

I went out with Dave, Christina, Matt, and Liz on Friday night. And I felt like a cock. It's like, I wasn't a third wheel, because there were 5 of us. So, I was a fifth wheel! Even worse! I know thats not their fault, by any means, but it's really really annoying. And quite unsettling. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me so I didn't have to go through it a moment longer. (Sorry Dave, I know you'll think im being mean when you read this, but it's not easy when you cant turn to the left or right for fear of being reminded how lame you are :-P )

And I'm spent.

// posted by TehHustler @ 9:14 AM (3) comments

Thursday, May 20, 2004
Comments, at last! 
I've enabled the Blogger comments option. Unfortunately you get redirected to the blogspot page, which of course has no formatting and a nasty big banner at the top. So, until I:

1) Figure out how to make it look like the main site
or 2) Get better blogging software

Then you'll have to put up with it :P Leave me comments! :)

// posted by TehHustler @ 3:19 PM (7) comments

Blog woes 
Right then, so I tried Greymatter for my blog. It's ok, setup went fine. However, sorting out the templates to look like this one was way too complicated, due to the number of minor things that needed changing. Perhaps I'll have another go later on. Or find a simpler blog software.

It's 14:37, Thursday afternoon, and I'm at work, bored shitless. I haven't actually done anything today, save for printer setup and installing a piece of software onto a laptop with no cd drive. I had to span it over 9 floppy disks. Grr.

Going to Rileys with Matt and Liz on Friday. Should be fun. Unless I'm a third wheel. I seem to be doing a lot of that lately...

DoD league gets underway on Sunday! I don't think we'll even get a team of six together. Thanks to Hakfest leaving because he wanted to play to win and we want to play for fun. I mean, to win would be nice, but lets not kid ourselves.

Two days to Wuzzleopoly! Yay!

// posted by TehHustler @ 2:33 PM (0) comments

Wednesday, May 19, 2004
I am not Simon Rollinson 
My mum made me wear the lavender coloured shirt she bought me for Christmas today. I've never worn it before, and I don't think I'll be doing again. It's horrid. And I feel conscious that everyone is staring at me. It's pink for fucks sake. PINK!!! Grr.

Well, thats it then. I'm going to miss The Killers for the 3rd time running. My only hope now is that they decide to play the V Festival. But I won't hold out much hope.

There's this guy that gets on my bus every morning. About 40ish, Scottish, complete twat. He annoys the fuck out of me, he has all these little mannerisms that irritate me. He looks around like a bird, his head moving really fast. He walks like a penguin, with really tiny steps. And he fidgets in his seat ALL the time. And if he sits behind you, you're doomed. I swear to god, if he grabs the back of my seat again to change the position he sits in, I'm going to turn around and stab him square in the face with my Roseacre branded pen.

OK, this shirt really has to go. Two people have said it's ok for work but they wouldn't go out in it.

I'm considering buying a set of poker chips. However they'd only really get used when I'm with the Wuzzle collective. Somehow I don't think Dave, Matt, et al want me to take all their money in regular tournaments. So perhaps I shouldn't buy any. Hum.

Internet is fucked again. I think I should count the days when it does work rather than doesn't, it'd be much easier.

The good thing about not going to see The Killers is that I have a bit more money to play with this month. That's also down to the fact that I was away for week. With any luck I can put some away at the end of this month and use it to pay Aymen for this MP3 player. If he's still alive, that is. He hasn't been around since before I went to the Lakes.

ARGH FUCK NO. Simon has been released all day today, meaning he'll be in the library all day, annoying the FUCK out of me. Telling me about all the new fucking toys he has, and being an egotistical prick. If you give me 2 minutes, I'll devise a graph to explain my feelings on this.


The results were surprising. According to the figures (based on the approximate world population of 6,500,000,000), 6,499,999,999 out of every 6,500,000,000 people are not Simon Rollinson. This means that a whopping 99.999999846154% of people don't actually give a flying banana about what is happening in the world of Simon Rollinson. Thus, he should shut the fuck up.

Right now he's insulting classroom assistants, saying they don't do much. This is despite the fact that without classroom assistants, teachers would have a much harder life. He is right about one thing though. I'm on a shit wage and I need to move on. ASAP. Now he's talking about his fucking car. Ugh. And he bothers me with stuff all the time, he's lazy and arrogant and I think I want to cut off his fingers.

Holy fuck, Randy Johnson threw a perfect game last night for Arizona. At 40 years old! Mucho cool.

I can't think of anything else to say now. Rather than try and fill the page with sub-standard stuff, I'll just publish this as is.

// posted by TehHustler @ 10:53 AM (0) comments

Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Spending spree 
Ordered these off today: [1] [2] - Nice yarse?

Aymen update: No change. Fuck knows where he is. I want my MP3 player.

I have fuck all to do at work today. Apart from mess with handheld barcode scanners. BEEP!

I am so pissed off. The Killers gig in Manchester is sold out. I didn't think it'd be sold out at all! They arent well known. So it looks like I'll have to go to Liverpool, and hope to god I can get back to Blackpool late on Wednesday night. Or not go at all, which isn't an option. No fucking way am I missing this gig.

// posted by TehHustler @ 2:05 PM (0) comments

Monday, May 17, 2004
Lake District == teh r0x0r 
Phew, I'm still alive. Before I tell you about my week away, some other notes first:

Wuzzleopoly is less than a week away, and we still have no game controller. And we have quite a few people coming. Looks like Bob's mum will be doing it if we can't find anyone. Joy of joys.

I went to a karaoke night on Saturday. Never again. Thanks a bunch Dave :p It was quite amusing watching Christina, Steffi, Steffi's friend (with whom, I spent all night doodling on beer mats and playing noughts and crosses), and the woman who was going out with the bloke running the karaoke, singing along with some crappy Boyzone song. Only we couldn't hear them due to the shitty microphones and the fact that they were holding them about 25 miles away from their mouths. Probably just as well...

Back to work on Monday morning, and the Internet link is down. It's like I was never away... And on my desk, is a bag. *opens it* - a bottle of wine thanking me for my help last week! W00t! And lots of work that piled up there while I was away. Fuck.

Unfortunately James isn't going to be able to make it up north for The Killers concert, so I have enlisted Herr Dave to join me, in the hope that he enjoys it. Hopefully I'll still get to see Adele on the Saturday, either I'll persuade Dave to stay overnight in Manchester, or I'll go back the next day. Or she can come to Blackpool, or something. Plenty of time to work it out.

Started listening to Bad Religion again. They are fantastic. Everyone should get some of their songs. I'm pretty much listening to music all the time now, I have a stack of new bands to check out, which I will share with you when the time is right. I also need to listen to some Morrissey and The Smiths. Everyone and his dog goes on about him like he's some kind of God. But the man himself is a pompous arrogant twat, I saw him on TV twice over the weekend and he acted like a dick. Why do people lose half of their brain cells when they turn into celebrities? Gwynneth Paltrow's new kid is called Apple, ffs. APPLE! What the FUCK is that about? Also on the subject of music, isn't it strange how early demo versions of songs are sometimes better than the final versions?

I have to wait two weeks for the Enterprise season finale. Bollocks. I don't hold out much hope for a season four. I think it's doomed, due to all the stupid old Star Trek fans going "OMG ITS NOT LIKE THE OLD SERIES!" - Bollocks to you, stop being such arseholes and enjoy the series as it is, don't compare it.

P-P-P-Powerbook - I don't need to say anymore. Happy reading. It's the latest Internet phenomenon. And I watched it being born.

Right, my week away:



Leave school at 10am. Had to sit next to a loudmouth kid who wouldn't shut the fuck up. Arrive at 12pm. Very nice room! Bunk bed, but I'm taking the bottom bunk. Shower and sink provided, but no toilet. WTF is that about? Have to use the ones on the main corridor.

Our instructor, Tan, was a fucking nutcase. He rocked. Very loud, but very funny, he reminded me of myself, only without the funny bit.

We had archery first. Most fun! But we had a forefit kind of game, in which you have to do certain stuff depending on what your partner hits. Then we had to do a cutlery themed game that determined what cutlery you were able to use later on in the day as you ate dinner. I had to eat mine with just a spoon and a fork. Hilarity ensues.

The Lake District is home to some of the most intense military activity in the country, with fighter jets always passing overhead. There are always some RAF jets, or, if you're lucky, USAF jets flying overhead. When an F-18 Interceptor flew over at 200ft I nearly shit myself.

The only rain of the entire week that actually touched us came on Monday night as we were leading the kids on a walk through the forest to investigate the wildlife and plants. Rushed into the on-camp classrooms to continue, with a lovely view across the lake, with the lights of nearby villages in the distance.

Kids wouldn't shut up until 11:30pm, whereby I crept into bed hoping that the rest of the week was going to be significantly more fun.


This morning, bouldering. This is like rock climbing, but you traverse across horizontally rather than going upwards. Pretty boring really, the kids didn't really enjoy it.

Afternoon arrives, and it was time for the group canoe! We sailed down the lake in a big boat to the village nearby, with a shop and a cafe, and we let the kids buy gifts and stuff. Most enjoyable, but hard work.

Actually this is the most boring day of the entire week. Sod all happened. I can't even remember what our evening activity was.


The day of the raft race! I was NOT going to be beaten. But first, rock climbing, which is always fun. It's been five years since I did any, so I was a bit scared. Got up the wall ok, and then I had to abseil down. Oh my god. I think I shat myself. Well, not quite, but it took a few minutes for me to get used to it again. Then I remembered that I liked rock climbing, and did quite well.

OK! Raft race time! Tan let us in on the big secret, how to build the perfect raft that would better anyone elses. And it was rather good. Unfortunately, when we got in the water, all the plans went the way of faeces creek with no propulsion device. We had no sense of direction, missed the buoy we had to go around, turned around and managed to go around it. Then we were in a sprint for the finish with another raft. And we beat it to the bank! We won! We sat down on the beach, as were told to do, and then wondered why the team we just beat were taking their raft apart bit by bit. Then we were told that you have to dismantle your raft and put all the bits back. So, we were robbed because the organisers couldn't work out their own bloody rules. There was some confusion over whether we were 2nd or 3rd, and I'm quite bitter about it. In my mind, we were first back to the fucking beach, so we were the winners. Although to be honest, who cares? It was good fun.

Wednesday night was a sports night, where we all played basketball (I was running rings round the kids, I'm such a bastard) and rounders (I clubbed the ball so far, I'm such a bastard) - and it was quite boring really. Uneventful night. Apart from when I slipped on my arse TWICE in the same place because the court was wet from the mud/rain from the night before.


The day I was waiting for! King swing followed by kayaking followed by the campfire/barbecue. Unfortuntely I didn't get a go on the king swing, because one of the kids decided to wet himself and I had to bring him back to the centre to get changed. Upon my return there was no time for me to have a go myself. Which doesn't really matter, it's a holiday for the kids, not for me. Disappointing though.

Kayaking is always fun, I've done it a few times before and I love it, I'm also pretty good at it, and the kids enjoyed it too. I think this was my favourite activity of the week, and I didn't capsize either!

The campfire was hilarious. Tan is a born showman, the guy has balls of steel and ran the whole shebang himself. I mean, I know loads of campfire songs and stuff, but I wouldn't have the bottle to stand up in front of 50 people and do it. Getting the kids to bed that night was a pain in the arse, as the kids were singing the annoyingly catchy songs all night. Finally managed it, and then I went to bed to prepare myself for the last torturous day.


Went out with a bang by doing the aerial runway. 30 foot high. 200 foot long. Scary as hell. Then the kids did some rope-based obstacle course, which was amusing as they fell off one by one. We said goodbye to all the instructors, and got a nifty certificate each! Coach journey home was amusing, all the kids were falling asleep, and a few of them were almost sick. Got home at 3:30pm, went home, and thought, "That rather owned, I want to go next year."

And you know what? I think I might. If I'm still here, that is. My joints have finished aching now.


Just phoned the ICT helpdesk. It's the firewall. Blasted thing. If I was there I'd kick it. Can't be much worse than it already is.

I'll leave you with this thought. Never ever EVER listen to I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue at work. People will look at you strangely when you start laughing like a madman at the ever-delightful Samantha's adventures with the teams on the scoring desk. 0_o

And so ladies and gentleman, as the round egg of time is cracked and its contents opened into the non-stick frying pan of eternity, and the bread of fate is cooked in the toaster of eternity, I notice that it's the end of the blog entry. So from myself, it's goodbye. (Jesus christ, I listen to that show too bloody much)

// posted by TehHustler @ 2:17 PM (0) comments

Mornington Crescent 
Ill start. Oxford Circus

// posted by TehHustler @ 2:17 PM (0) comments

Sunday, May 09, 2004
Reading* review 
My IRC server is up for review by the AsylumNet RCOM - obviously being a member myself, I can't vote. But hopefully I'll get the news I've been waiting for and the server can stay. Cross your fingers and toes.

Oh yeah, I know i said i wouldn't post again before I was back, but I had to mention this because I was excited about it.

// posted by TehHustler @ 1:18 AM (0) comments

Friday, May 07, 2004
On account of the fact that I have a shitload of stuff to do when I get in, and also that I'm going out to play pool tonight, this is the last post before I go away on Monday. I don't seem to ever post at weekends, usually because I'm never bored enough to do it. At work, I am eternally bored.

I have just witnessed the funniest thing ever. A classroom assistant at work tried to use the laminator. She put the pouch into it. It sucked it in. It didn't come out. It was like it ate it. I half expected to hear it go "BUUUUURP!" afterwards. So, shes a bit upset because she thinks shes broken an 80 quid laminator. THEN! The laminator that noone knew existed, the one that has been stored in a secure location in times of need, the one that cost FOUR HUNDRED QUID was taken out of its shiney box and put on the table. Along comes Miss Classroom Assistant. In goes the next laminator pouch. And... it didn't come out. Har har. She managed to trash £480 of equipment in the space of 10 minutes, pretty good going. Needless to say, she isn't allowed in my computer room now.

I've tied up all my loose ends before I go away as far as work is concerned. Year 6 are doing their SATs next week, so they cant do their "turn all the computers on" jobs. Hence, I have had to take two Year 5 kids and train them up. I hope I dont return on Friday afternoon to see my computers in bits, or burnt, or both. Could use it as an excuse to get new computers though... Hmmm...

Anyway, my brain is fried, so, I'll leave you with this quote, and I shall be back with a full report of my trip to Lake Windermere on Friday night:

"Unless I am expandable, I am expendable..." - Dr. Robert Schuller

// posted by TehHustler @ 3:22 PM (0) comments

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