OK, so, this is probably a reply to certain people. Or a statement or something. I dont know if it'll get read by who its supposed to, but I have a fair idea that someone checks this, and may pass it on. So, we'll see. If i dont get anything resembling a reply, then ill probably just send them the URL and insist they read it.
I'm not even going to to bother explaining certain things. It feels like people have completely missed the point about things ive said or done. Right now, ive lost one of my best friends. And if im gonna be completely honest, I cant see any way things will be sorted out.
It's an odd situation, knowing two people that are together as well as i do. One person says something that doesnt tally with the other person. You dont know how to react. Do you go and say something or inquire. Or do you leave it be. The fact that Im friends with both people leaves me in a difficult position, because im privvy to certain information that perhaps i shoudnt know about. So, in future, im going to insist that people just leave me out of things. I dont want to know about it if it doesnt involve me. That way, Im not going to hear things i shouldnt hear, and im not going to accidentally say something and drop people (or myself) in it.
It's not that im sticking my nose in where its not wanted, I thought it'd be nice to inquire about how things were getting on. You do that with friends, watch out for them and hope things still do. (I do hope they do, by the way, in case the relavent person(s) are reading). But things just didnt check out, descriptions on certain events were wildly different from another persons. While its true that things maybe none of my business, how can I avoid it when its in my face everyday, and the individual people are conversing with me over it.
And as for being anonymous, or somebody, anyone can forget to stick their name on a post. Hell, i even stuck my name on one of them. So i cant be doing that bad. Im batting .500 at any rate. Theres never been any time ive tried to hide, or make childish attempts at contacting people who dont wish to talk to me. All I've done is try and make contact to find out where im going wrong. I know ive probably said certain stuff that was either completey stupid or taken the wrong way, but things were resolved, or at least I thought they were.
Right now, my stomach is in knots. I dont know what to do, say, or how to fix things. This summer is going to be tough, i have a holiday to go on, some work to do, and i just have to muddle on. And i know it would seem like i dont really have a leg to stand on compared to the trouble ive caused for others (ie, why should i feel sorry for myself), but i really feel like ive been completely shafted. Things have been blown out of all proportion about this. And I know deep down there are other problems I havent addressed, but thats for another day.
It's a great big mix of misunderstandings. Someone told me that the Internet is a funny place. You arent seeing someone for real, so details can be changed or altered, things can be said with more confidence, because there are no real consequences. While thats true to an extent, I dont think it applies here. So, call it chinese whispers in a way. Perhaps certain things are getting changed or skewed from what they once were.
I don't know what else to say. I could apologise until Im blue in the face, but i dont know what im supposed to say sorry for. Sorry for inquring about my friends wellbeing? Sorry for expressing concern when things didnt seem right? Sorry for divulging information to save another person from making a complete idiot of themselves. I was going to say something else about that, but I dont wanna mess anything up, I need all the friends I can get.
Course, im still friends with the other person, but for how long? Why do i get the feeling that this is the start of a slippery slope? Will things fuck up? Will our intrepid hero completely alienate everyone that means something to him?
Find out in the next exciting episode of TheHustler's blog.
Note: for exciting i mean "Completely fucking useless"
PS: Wont be here for 3 days, music festival. One of the people is with me, but we've agreed not to talk about it. I think its probably for the best. Unless we get drunk and just forget. People do a lot of talking when drunk, its amazing what comes out. Hmm?