Friday, October 17, 2003
Damn and Blast 
Fourth entry today, I'm on a roll. Unfortunately, this one isnt a happy entry.

I really am getting pretty pissed off now. Im lonely, im depressed, and I've had enough. Im sick of everyone being happy and I'm not. I'm sick of having to put up with having no special person in my life. Im 21. And Ive had jack.

I know someone, I like her a lot, Ive never met her though. But Id like to. Only, unfortunately, this person sees people near her, obviously. So, the chances of something happening are practically zero. I think she knows I like her, but shes probably erring on the side of "lets wait till we meet up" - which is true, I guess. Im going to think that way too. Unfortunately, if I leave it too late, it will be all for nought.

Meanwhile, im sick of hearing about my friends being with people and being happy (apart from the ones that split up, but thats not for blogging). The best I can do is bide my time, and just wait and see what happens. And I know what will happen.

The great jack shit.

And the cycle repeats itself, over, and over, and over again.

I don't want to paint a woe is me picture, but thats how I feel sometimes. I feel like the solo artist jamming away on his guitar and singing about life, a fragile person. Like the dude from Dashboard Confessional.

Except, Im not that fragile. I'm a good laugh when Im out with friends, and I have quite a lot of them. Seems like im the loveable happy go lucky person that everyone likes. And thats it. Nothing more.

I think I am quite unlucky. Thats not true of course, I could be a starving African child, but its all in perspective with the people around you. Heh, I just thought, compared to Matt's life the past few years, I'm fine. Compared to Tim, im fine. James doesnt count, hes off working and having fun probably, hes always more lucky, always has been. Dave? I dunno, hes at uni, blah blah, he has women smiling at him. The last time someone smiled at me was when the old woman in the shop said "Thanks love" as i handed her 50 pence for a packet of crisps.

My name is Mark. Im a geek. And I'm short. Welcome to my world.

I should probably wrap this up before I make an idiot of myself.

// posted by TehHustler @ 11:39 AM


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