To say I'm in a foul mood would perhaps be the biggest understatement since the Captain of the Titanic said, "woops, I think we hit something".
So, I went out with Matt to Rileys last night. If you didnt know, I'm doing the job that Matt used to do, before he moved on to bigger and better things (which he fucking reminds me about at every opportunity to rub it in, the cunt) at another school.
But, his mum still works at my school, doing work with special needs children. So, she hears things, which then get back to Matt, which he then tells me.
Stuff that scares me. Stuff that people have said about me. People talking behind my back, when they have absolutely no idea what the FUCK they are talking about.
Apparently, if I'm sat at my computer in my office, then I'm lazy and I do no work. I appear to be doing nothing. I just push buttons.
If these MOTHERFUCKING CUNT WHORES want to sit here and do my job, thats fine, I can let them do that. When things start crashing around them and not working, they can they beg on their hands and knees to get me back.
I'm doing this job for shit money because, frankly, its the only thing I can fucking get at the moment. Call it a stepping stone to other things, it worked for Matt and it'll work for me.
But should Matt even be saying this kinda stuff, knowing how it upsets me? And it does upset me, I'm not an emotional person, but that pretty much makes me want to jump off the bus station roof. I can't really talk about it to anyone, my mum will make me feel bad by talking shit about Matt, James will say the same (because he doesn't like Matt and his arsehole ways), so will Dave (same reason, he keeps remarking about how much of a cunt Matt is to me) and I can't tell anyone at work for fear of it getting back to people. Well, perhaps one or two VERY trusted people, people that also hate working there and wish they were anywhere else but there.
Theres also the fact that Matt's mum is the spawn of the devil, and everyone says so. So she could be exaggerating things a tad.
But yeh, to be honest the last thing I wanted to do was to go into work today, I nearly decided to walk back home as soon as I got to the bus stop. I really don't know what to do now either. I know for a fact I'm going to leave this job at the end of the school year (July 2004) and try to move onto bigger things. I need to get that degree sorted, of course, but I can do that anytime thanks to the Open University. I'll sign up for that later next year for September.
But GRRRR I want to kill Matt sometimes, he's such a two-faced bastard. And the senior management are two-faced bitches. And Simon's a cocksucker.
But as soon as you do something for them, OHHH THEN ITS DIFFERENT! They love you! You're so great! You keep everything running, hooray for Mark! Until you're out of the room, probably. Fucking Cunts. But senior management? For fucks sake, I don't know whether to believe it. If they didn't like the standard of my work, then why did they offer me it five days a week? Why have I not been fired? Matt says it's cos they can't get anyone else.
Basically, two thoughts are in my head:
1) Kill me, please, I'd be happy to be away from it all.
2) Matt's a lying cuntflap.
I don't know which I'd like it to be.